Friday, April 28, 2006

Unfaithful

I don't know what he was thinking. He'd left me on my own.
Was I really supposed to wait for him? I needed him. What was I to do?
My head was driving me crazy. I had to do something about it.
Honestly though, it wouldn't be the first time I strayed and if he leaves me again, it wouldn't be the last.

But still, I felt guilty.

Taking the F train up into Chelsea, I emerged and beelined to my destination.
Walking in the door, I dropped my bags, hung up my coat as she greeted me from the back, pointing me to a chair.

She came up behind me and purred,
"How do you want it?"
"1 on the sides. Shorten and clean up the top a little,"
I replied.

With my instructions, she started to buzz my hair.

She didn't have the deftness of Luigi, my hairstylist at Astor Place. Then again he wasn't here. He'd gone on vacation for a month, a whole month. I couldn't go more than 2 weeks without a cut. I'd be a chia pet by the third week. Luigi knew it. He'd cut my hair as short as he'd allow the last time I saw him, but it wasn't enough.

In the amount of time it took her to shave my sides, Luigi would have been done. I doubted my decision to do this, even more so as she did not evoke my confidence in her.

"I see stepping,"
I screamed silently to myself as she buzzed on.

She changed clipper heads a few times. BUZZ. BUZZ. Slowly, the stepping blended away.

Whew.

Gloriously, she put down the clipper and finished me off, trimming and cleaning up the top of my head.

Not a bad cut but definitely not Luigi. He knows my head and how I like it.
I worried that this woman didn't know what I'd wanted and I was right. She gave me the atypical (gay) Asian man haircut. I'm displeased. I'll wear a cap for a week.

Bleech.

Luigi, come back soon. I'm sorry I strayed.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Out, About, Up too late

Tuesday
7:15PM
Met up with the BF and friend K, visiting from SF, for drinks at GYM.
Unexpectedly, yet happily, ran into RoboCub and pals as well.
Imbibed. Friend O arrives, the circle is complete.

7:55PM
Head out for 8PM Reservations at Nooch.
Imbibed some more.
Order appetizers, everything is fried.

Yum
… for now.

Not feeling adventurous I have Seafood Pad Thai.
Chow down. Soon, I’m stuffed.

9:30PM
We say goodnight and goodbye to Mr. K, putting him in a cab.
Mr. O, BF and I walk over to Union Square.

10:15
PM
Uneventful train ride. We arrive home. Rumble in the my tummy.

11:15
PM
BF has retired to bed. My tummy is not happy.
Allergy threshold has been crossed, eyes burn and itch. Great.

1:35
AM
Flipping channels between Mega Movers on the History Channel, where they’re moving an oil rig from Singapore to the Gulf of Mexico and Oil Sweat and Rigs, where they’re rigging and lifting off the sea floor the remnant legs of a lost oil rig. Fascinating.

My stomach is a lump.


2:35
AM
Tired of sitting on the couch and watching TV, I prop up some pillows and sit in bed, hoping to fall asleep.

Rest finds me, but fitfully.

Wednesday
My stomach still doesn't feel right, precipitating a funk.
I've mentally slipped.
I'm a tired, cranky sod.
I've finally put something in my stomach and it doesn't feel all too disagreeable.
Slowly making my way back.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Evolve @ Crobar

Sunday Morning, April 23

Simply put, balls-t0-the-walls fun.

I'd been blue-sy all week, melancholy. I'd passed on Sander K. at Crobar Friday night, although I MUST hear him the next time he's in town. Plankton's video short of his opening in LA is HOT, sending chills up my spine. It is a classic club moment.

Hoping to spend some time with some lovely, club boys of the M4M set, to chase my blues away, this time around, it was me inciting Frank (as well, I was the driver with AutoLove.) Last week's good time had me hankering for some more and boy, did i get more.

Arriving around 6:45AM, we breezed in and found Crobar, comfortably full with plenty of room to move and dance.

Lots of good beats served up by Victor Calderone, whose sound has definitely “evolved” in to his own distinct creation. Tech, Tribal and Progressive, all dished out in a relentless, pounding fashion. Unbelieveable. I didn't trainspot many songs, just awestruck by the layering and programming the entire night.

We were moving the moment we got there till 3PM, when he started winding things down.

I've heard him many times throughout the years . This was one of his best performances. Kudos.

It was a great crowd. Mixed in the mid-morning, becoming pre-dominately gay by the end. Ran in many “club friends” reveling too. While it would have been nice to see club crush, G, I didn't let that factor into me having a good time.

Blues have been driven out and after dancing two weekends in a row, I'm feeling rather svelte. Amazing what an 8 hour cardio session will do for you.

Spring is proceeding in a great way. I can't wait for summer.

Shopping is…

…therapeutic. Expensive too… but isn't normal therapy too?

Picked up a Victorinox Grandfield jacket on Saturday.

I'd originally tried one on while I was in SF. Loved the fit, thought the price tag too high. I'd hoped to find it at a more reasonable price online or otherwise.

No such luck on cheaper, but I still wanted it.

Online searching was fruitless. Not to mention, I'm a bit skittish about purchasing clothing online.

The Soho Swiss Army store had none in the color I wanted. Complete waste of time. Listed as a retailer for Victorinox's website was Bloomingdale's, so off I went since they're website listed no Victorinox apparel for men. I was hopeful that Bloomies would work out. I'd been holding onto a Bloomies' giftcard for nearly two years and defray some of the cost.

Bloomingdales was well-stocked with Victorinox apparel, having the Grandfield in the color I wanted. All that was left was to pay. The courteous salesperson informed me that the card had indeed expired but after a few minutes, had the expiration extended. Yippee. So I got the jacket I wanted AND did not pay full cost. Score one for me.

Then I went to Best Buy and did some serious damage as only I could.
I'd only meant to stop in and check out some games.
I picked up Tomb Raider: Legend for PS2 and Half-Life 2 for Xbox at $20 (WHAT A BARGAIN!). Then I realized that Tomb Raider was available for Xbox and Xbox 360.
Here's where my twisted logic and justification process go askew. I questioned why I would pick-up a game for an inferior system when I'll purchase the updated, newer system soon anyhow.

*Start Slippery Slope*





*End Slippery Slope*


I feel guilty but infinitely better, thanks.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Those old feelings coming around again.

These feelings that are re-surfacing, I fear giving them a voice or putting them down on paper. Doing either will make them that much more real, giving them credence and substance. I thought they'd lost validity long ago but, I find myself nearing a crossroad, once again.

I can’t make the leap. I don't have enough faith. Is this all in my mind? Am I making it up? It wouldn’t be the first time where I’ve incorrectly filled in the blanks with my ego and inflated self-image.

A part of me yearns for a change and fears it so. I can’t decide what it is I want. Is it infatuation or true emotion?

They’ve lasted for so long but could they be a deeper rooted need? Do I have a need to break free?

I’m living two separate lives, each running apart from the other but ultimately on a collision course. End result will be a train wreck. Beyond, a brand new horizon.

I don’t want to hurt or be hurt. But pain is inevitable.

Way dramatic, huh?

Sheesh
.

Would you believe I wrote it?

Mindlessly digging through my files, I came across, traumatically named "pain.doc" which I'd penned summer of 2002. I altered the original content for clarity, removed a personal sentence, but the gist is there. I was struggling to make sense of my feelings then.

Sorting my memory, I remember the 1999-2000 incident, the details of which are seared into my consciousness, hence the "feelings that are re-surfacing," but 2002 seemingly was calm, so I thought, yet I despaired.

Coincidentally, I find myself at that crossroad again, struggling for clarity in my feelings.

Please be indulgent of me, while I work through this emotional quagmire, seeking my true voice, my honest voice.

I'll be back with verve and more snark.

Friday, April 21, 2006

An Honest Voice

Post is coming.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Viva Italia!

It’d been a hectic few days with me taking over Manager’s responsibilities. It was trying to stay “on the ball” for many jobs moving through the studio at break neck speeds and deciphering cryptic and nonsensical requests from less than coherent and competent people.

By Friday, I was ready to just collapse. The weekend was loaded with activities, Saturday’s Sweet Sixteen and Sunday’s Easter dinner with the BF’s family. Any added activity would have been over the top.

Being the weekend of April 15th, D-Day for taxes, I was certainly ok with not going, financially since I had to make a massive payment to Uncle Sam.

There had been a fleeting thought of hearing Danny Tenaglia spin with Mauro Picotto at Spirit this Friday night, billed as an Italian DJ tag team night. But with the recent crackdown by the NYPD on various NYC night spots for drug and alcohol infractions, Spirit being one of them, the gig was moved to Crobar. The move all but put away most desire to go. I would’ve liked Spirit, a more intimate venue compared to Crobar, a mega club with zero intimacy and a clientele with near zero class. I was okay with not going.



Leave it to Friend Frank to throw my best laid, reasonable plans into upheaval.

Calling Friday afternoon.

What’s up? You going tonight?
Um, no. I don’t have a ticket.
What? G and I assumed you’d be going for sure.
No, it’s Crobar and I’ve got to get my car before 4:30 tomorrow.
You’re going. I’ll drop you to get your car. Call me later.
Click.

I agonized for all of 15 minutes before I found myself on Ticketweb buying a ticket. Yeah, twist my arm. I knew all the reasons I shouldn’t be going but they weren’t enough to override the desire to go. Still I was guilt stricken but things would work themselves out.

11:30PM I’d been unsuccessful at sleeping for the last 2 hours. Maybe I’d slept an hour before the BF had come in wrapping his cold legs around me, to which I responded “I’m trying to sleep too you know.” He shrunk back to his side of the bed, fell asleep and proceeded to snore.

Bother. I moved out to the living room.

3:30AM I gave up on trying to sleep, getting ready to head out. I hoped to get Crobar by 5ish, avoiding the larger crowd. I was waiting on Frank, who called me at 3:45AM and picked me up my 5AM. Shrug. I wasn’t bothered as I usually would be with his antics. This was an unscheduled and unanticipated night out so I had no expectations.

After what seemed like an inexorably long drive into the city, we arrived at the club by 5:30AM.

Crobar was blissfully roomy. The mass of the Friday evening crowd had already retired and gone. It was surprising to see the club so empty but I loved it as we moved easily from one of the club to another. Frank raged at some of the dancers on the floor. Flailing arms and limbs that had no regard for fellow dancers, they irritated him. We were also dumbfounded by the people that would be standing around, walking with arms folded in their ecstasy hazes. Amazingly annoying.

We’d missed Mauro Picotto’s opening set and Danny was in full swing, playing a heavy tech set following up on what Mauro played. I slowly warmed to the music but I was ripping up the floor in no time. I hadn’t danced like that in a while.

Danny threw down some mean tracks, most of which I did not know. One track that set the night off for us was a fantastic remix of Deelites’s “Groove is in the Heart.“ Phenomenal. So much so that he repeated it later in the morning with equal squeals of delight from the remaining crowd.

Danny highlighted a track, heh, well, he held up the vinyl cover and put a spotlight on it. He wanted every one to know what the track was.

Âme - Rej / Texel - Rej Rej - Âme

Give it a listen, it's a pretty cool tune.

Some tracks I did know:
Cascade of Colors - Ananda Project (always a goodie)
Always Remember to Honor and Respect Your Mother - Dusted (Frank mocks me knowing that this is my fave track of all time.)
Dibiza - Danny Tenaglia/ Chus and Ceballos
Touch Me - Rui Da Silva feat. Cassandra (Classic Vinyl/Arc, Classic Danny)

Ran into a few of the Dtourists. It was good to see them. I was mostly distracted with seeing my club crush, G, whom I hadn’t seen in some time. It was a pleasant surprise. Equally surprised at the amount of club love we’d doted on each other that morning. Sigh. It was fun but I’m a little disappointed to have had to say good-bye. I don’t want to get into this. Double Sigh.

We’d ended the morning with ”Touch Me“ around 12:00. To his word, Frank dropped me by the VW service station after much dawdling at around 1:30PM. Sheesh.

It was off to blissful sleep in preparation for Saturday evening’s Sweet Sixteen.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter! But…

…watch out for Wererabbits!


Friday, April 14, 2006

Into the hills - Part 2

…and end dramatic pause.

Seriously, could I have waited any longer to finish recapping my SF trip?
With all my dilly-dallying, I may have given the impression I was still in San Francisco when I've been home since Sunday night!

Lagged and tired, I haven't shaken the fatigue. Past few days, mid-afternoon, I've been fighting to stay awake. Totally unlike me. Could be I've got a slight cold.

Work has been incredibly busy. Manager is moving and has left me in charge. Let me tell you, I'm reminded of how it was being a manager… and it SUCKS. Having to wait on people to get your work done is stressful and even then it's not enough. So glad I don't have to do this full-time, I'm content to be a cog for now.

I digress…

I'm hoping to get back on track, soon as I finish this damn recap!! Ooh I rhymed.

That is, if anyone cares now.

Anyway… here it is.

Sunday
It was another early start. We were meeting EL for breakfast in the Castro and he was taking us out to Golden Gate Park today. First, packing up some, our flight was at 4PM. We had to be ready to move as soon as we got back.

We rode the MUNI, (our second time, we're old hat now) leaving us right beneath the big old rainbow flag. Aren't we over the rainbow yet? EL and J met us and took us to a scrumptuous breakfast at Squat and Gobble Cafe, sitting outside, warmed under the heaters. With a hot cup of coffee, it was nice and cozy on this cool SF morning.

J had graciously volunteered to give us a driving tour of Golden Gate Park. We wouldn't have seen a fraction as much as we did. It was an awesome gesture and we're grateful.

Long short: Golden Gate Park, Golden Gate Bridge, Golden Gate National Recreation Park, Sausalito.










NOw that I'm home, I kinda miss SF.

Don't say it.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Into the hills - Part 1

San Francisco style.

Thursday Night
Did I mention the Castro is really, really gay?

Totally fun though. We’d met up with EL, BF’s hotel rep/friend, and his friends at Midnight Sun.

I was thoroughly lagged and exhausted. I was knocked on my ass by the SF version of “2-for-1.” Unlike NY where you’re given a ticket/chip to pick up your second drink at your leisure, you’re given two drinks immediately. Oy.

Dinner, at Red Grill next door, ended up being a chore of fighting to stay awake long enough to chew my food. Great steak.

Afterwards, we stopped by Badlands. EL was several sheets to the wind and left before we did. We didn’t last much longer than another drink either. Totally lame but I was in bed by 9 for some much needed sleep.

Friday
The BF had to work.

My original plans to see our friend M and have her take me on a tour of the Apple Campus in Cupertino had fallen through for today. So I wondered around SF… staying within walking distance to the hotel. I walked down to the Embarcadero/Bay Bridge and checked out the view there. It was a beautiful day and surprising too since all I heard was that it was going to rain the whole weekend. Guess I stole the East Coast sun and brought it with me.




Feeling a little adventurous, I looked at a MUNI map.

Crossed-eyed by the indecipherable map, I didn’t feel so adventurous.

I returned to hotel and hit the 24hourfitness because that’s what people do on vacation, right?

Afterwards, EL took me to lunch at Zebulon. Good sandwich with good company.

EL encouraged me to eat up, knowing I wouldn’t be eating much later. The BF and I were going out to dinner at Lime with our SF friend K and his bf, M. Lime is a cute place in the Castro and I was glad I ate a big lunch. Good itty-bitty dishes, more nosh than meal, encouraging more drinking than eating. We grabbed a drink in the Metro Bar with K and M before leaving them to walk further into the Castro to met EL at Badlands again. Still lagged and Lame again, back to the hotel by 10:30PM.

Saturday

begin addendum (thought I did this Sunday, but it was Saturday)
The BF had been to SF for work at least two times before me. Besides the inside of his office, his hotel room, the ballpark and random restaurants/bars around the Castro, he’d seen nothing else of San Francisco. We were intent to walk around and see some sites.

Grabbing coffee from Starbucks, we set out on our SF walkabout and it was a gorgeous morning for it.

We headed towards the Embarcadero/Bay Bridge but not via Folsom. That would’ve taken us past his boss’ apartment and he wasn’t in the mood on the off chance of running into her. It was the weekend, he was off the clock. We walked along the Embarcadero, coming upon the Ferry Building Marketplace and Ferry Plaza Farmer’s Market. Nice spread and dare I say a much more impressive Farmer’s Market than NYC Union Square’s market.

We continued walking up the Embarcadero and we walked far, reaching Fisherman’s Wharf. Here, for the first time, we both glimpsed with our own eyes the Golden Gate bridge, albeit we were still very far from it. In the middle of the water, we could also see Alcatraz. It doesn’t seem like that far a swim, this coming from the Asian man that sinks rather than swim. chuckle. Fisherman’s Wharf was less than captivating, more like a massive tourist trap.

We cut inland and grabbed breakfast, after which we hoofed over to and up Lombard Street. Quite a breath taker, literally. At the top of the Lombard Street, we got our first cable car ride. It was the best $10 we’d spent. It went through some fantastic neighborhoods. It was funny to listen to and decipher the rear cable car operator’s broken engrish. I’m trying to write it phonetically but it has to be experienced to be understood, sort of. The biggest plus of the cable car was it took us all the way back to a short walk from our hotel, into Union Square where we finished the morning with some window shopping.
end addendum
THEN
I got ditched for baseball again. Well, I was holding out for our friend M to make it out to see us and take me on a tour of the mothership. So I opted out of the baseball game and got left behind with nothing to do. Shrug. C’est la vie.

Hit the gym again and waited till the game ended. By this time, I was getting tired of walking around and all this alone time. Sigh.

The BF returned with EL and we ran out to dinner. We took the MUNI for the first time. YIPPEE. It’s nothing like NY subways but it sure beats cabs taking advantage of/abusing us by always going down Market Street, knowing full well, there were faster, less expensive routes. Dinner was at Home, some good ole hearty food. Quite delicious and surprisingly, priced reasonably.

After dinner, EL walked us into the neighborhood hills off Church Street, showing us some beautiful views, overlooking the city by Mission Dolores Park. We burned off dinner, walking up some damn steep streets, crazy slopes. I’d think twice about driving in SF.

Eventually, we made our way into the Castro for more imbibing at Badlands. We ended our night at The Mint Karaoke Lounge.
Some singers were phenomenal, some not. No, I wasn’t singing. It was a good time. Least lame night out of the three, we got back to the hotel at 12AM.

To be concluded… shortly. :)

Friday, April 07, 2006

Chinatown Hardwired?

I set off into SF looking for Union Square. Market Street was easy enough to find. Rather than look like a total tourist newb, I opted to just punt around without looking at the map.

Somehow, I managed to find Chinatown without trying.

A NY Chinese guy finds Chinatown SF. Who'd a thunk it?

Do we instinctively know where to go?



Well, SF Chinatown feels like NY Chinatown, smells like NY Chinatown (incense), sounds like NY Chinatown (annoying toy noises) but it doesn't have the hustle & bustle, fish stank, dirty, blackened streets like NY Chinatown.

I liked this intersection.



EvilBuddha go down the hole.
Well, not really. I was deliriously tired by this time.

More to come.
And I declare the Castro is really, really gay.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Left Coast

When I post this, I’ll be in San Francisco, my first time. I’m meeting up with the BF who’s been there since Monday for business.

As I write this, I’m seated on AA Flight 59, Seat 20F, flying westward. Fortunate I’ve got a window seat, doubly blessed that the center seat is vacant. I’m sure aisle passenger is pleased too.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little excited, albeit tired. Early morning flights are rough. I never sleep well, mostly because of anxious to get to where I’m going. Kind of like before I go out dancing. I enjoy travel. I did manage a few hours but they were fitful and fearful of missing the alarm. Beside that, like clockwork, I got before my cellphone alarm chirped. Turns out, I did NOT set the clock alarm properly.

Yikes.

There was a moment in my hurried morning that gave me pause. I’d arranged for car service to come pick me up at 5:00. 4:45, I heard a horn. Rushing to the window, I saw a car in front of the house. Damn, he’s early! They said they’d call. I hurriedly gather put on my jacket, grabbed my last things and rushed down. The car was gone.

Huh?

Calling the car service, they informed me that wasn’t it and mine would be leaving the base shortly.

What gives?

Too coincidental that someone else would be beeping the horn, before 5 in front of my home. My mind imagined an odious scenario like in The Bone Collector.
Unsuspecting me, gets into a car I believe is for me. The driver has somehow intercepted the car service schedule and wishes to do unspeakable things to me. Ultimately, I’ll be found dead, laid out in the peculiarities of my killer, with forensic clues, all to exact revenge on some holier than thou hero/heroine for past actions.

Yeah.

I’ve got an overactive imagination.

Anyhow, my deadly fate never happened and my real driver arrived to whisk me to JFK. Most of the time, we seemed to be straddling two lanes, but arrive at the airport safely.

After some AA drama, an unscheduled plane switch, people are settled and we’re off.
So here, I sit. I should sleep but I’m eager.

What to do when I get there? Don’t know. I’ll be winging it.
Got some plans for tomorrow, but I’ll see if they come to fruition or pass.

UPDATE: I’ve arrived.



BF jumped me and then dumped me to head out to an afternoon Yankee vs. Oakland Atlanta vs. SF (correction) game. Sheesh. Left to my own devices, what to do? I’m thinking Union Square.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Best Buy Run - Brokeback Edition

It's out.

Whether you like it or not… you should see it once.
Eliminate the hype.
Keep an open mind. Be objective.
Have an intelligent discourse.

Not your speed?

Try…



No roses stemmed there. Promise.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Lost Time

While I enjoy the fact that from now until October, the sun “sets” later, the first day’s loss of an hour takes some adjustment. Most of the day has been spent saying “Is it really X o’clock already?!?”

Still, I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day. Cool and crisp, the windows were opened wide, airing out the apartment. Having snoozed a little, I’m currently given to lounging. The hour lag hasn’t been shaken off yet. It is with some fuzzy, residual fatigue, I reflect on the past evening.

A pot luck dinner, the BF and I had taken part. We brought sausage and peppers (yum!). Well, he cooked and I helped eat it. The dinner idea had sprung from one friend who’d thought that it’d been far too long that the “core group” had gotten together.

It hadn’t always been like this, spacious gaps of time before we’d come together again. We were once a tight knit group, meeting up weekly if not more often. We never needed a reason, just a season.

All hailing from Brooklyn and Staten Island even, we all hung out at Spectrum’s, our local haunt. Our apartment was always open for a pre-Spectrum’s meet up and cocktail. We had many a good time.

As time passed, Spectrum’s grew tired as a hangout. Its fall from grace was inescapable, due to poor management, terrible promotion and for me, the worst, an endlessly repetitive soundtrack, literally. From any track played, I could tell you exactly what the next songs were. My musical tastes had grown and I’d befriended the DJ/boyfriend of the owner, bending his ear about experimenting and expanding the track selection outside of top 40/popular music. He’d shock me from time to time and play something I’d only heard in a club. However with subsequent visits, he’d have beaten that track to death, inciting my derisive comments and my refusal to ever return. I still feel queasy when I hear Cher.

So, with no common place to hang out, add to that some infighting (borne of jealousy) with some strong, unnecessary words and some indiscretions, the group was irrevocably fractured. No one incident could be held to blame, nor any one person but we did all sit idly by as our family disintegrated. Eventually, some of us scattered, moving away with family to the fringe, NJ and the group was nearly, never together apart from mainstay parties like mine and the BF’s holiday party and N’s Super Bowl party. Such is the state of our Brooklyn “family” today.

Back to the pot luck dinner.

All but one of the invitees attended, all but one of the core friends.

But… it was nice, really nice. I miss it already. There were new faces, inevitable with new partners, but we welcomed them with open arms.

Much of the evening was spent eating and drinking.

Some of us got caught up but most stay in touch in our own way. However new topics of conversation have taken a techy overtone. Funny, I used to be the only one like that. Now, some of them stand toe-to-toe with me. It’s humbling but I’m still their go to guy.

Everyone evolves. Perhaps our family has evolved. That makes me happy, bringing the promise of new/different interactions with the old feelings.