Number Two Son's lament

"Number One Son" is already taken by his last job partner, who also happens to be Chinese. So he calls me his "Number Two Son." A reference to the old Charlie Chan detective movies, in the original cinematic context, "Number Two Son" was distinguished for humorous effect, demeaning and belittling . But it's his tongue-in-cheek, term of affection for me.

Big A, as he's known, he's the BF's namesake, he's his father.
A wise man with street smarts and experience, a loving man, a man who doesn't have a mean bone in his body, a body which betrays him now. A blur from the diagnosis to the operation, times were trying through chemo. I saw a proud man break. I was gutted, but we were hopeful.

The BF has been a rock, a good son. He's been there for "Dad", doing the little things to help his father's life maintain a semblance of normal. Like seeing that Dad's GF got her roses every Saturday morning. It was important and gratifying to Big A, knowing he got his girl flowers.

Since a recent PET scan found "spots," times have gotten progressively worse. The cancer persists and he isn't able to muster the physical strength to fight it. The doctors aren't treating him, they're managing his pain.

I've been supportive without becoming directly involved. I stepped back, hoping the children, besides the BF, would assist him. It took a serious turn of events for his other children to get involved. I believe that up until such time, they did not want "the buck" to be passed to them.

As close I'd grown to him, I assumed he'd rather have his children helping. A few times, I'd avoided seeing him, as I thought that I was preserving his dignity.

This was an error in judgement, on my part.

After speaking in depth, and for the first time, with the BF last night, I'm afraid to admit that I'm guilty of the same egregrious act. I'd ignored that I'm his "Number Two Son."

One son, avoids the whole situation and hasn't seen his father, spineless fuck. Go live in la-la land, escapist ingrate. I'll deal with you at a proper time.

Sigh.

My heart is heavy, but I keep a smile for Big A. He smiled wide for me when I saw him and I held his hand last night. I willed all of my strength into our contact, hoping I could impart it to him, maybe flush the cancer. If only it could be so simple. He said he loved me, my heart cracked again.

He looks better, now that he's got people watching him 24-7. Now it's a waiting game, but still, I'm hopeful.