Monday, January 31, 2005

I've blog-blocked myself.

I hadn't immediately completed my post about my Fraternity past. As I am trying to write it now, I'm doddering. I may finish the post, I may not. Perhaps I'll feel more gung-ho when I finally meet up with a few of my Brothers. To be honest, I don't think it's going to be all that interesting. They're all straight (I don't do that), married (Nope, not that either) and with children (You think I'm sick?!?). Except for the one with whom I first had man sex, but he's a dick.

Sorry if I've wasted your time.

As an act of attrition, I offer to you, a wholly gratuitous cam shot.



Paste it on the wall.. throw tomatoes at it. See if I care.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

About last night...

I'd been quiet socially, from the previous weekend to current. So when my friend Neil called and asked if I'd like to head out to Spectrums, the local gay hang out in Brooklyn, I agreed. For those unfamiliar, Spectrums is the club formerly known as Odyssey 2001 from the movie Saturday Night Fever. KTU celebrated the 20th anniversary of the movie there.



If you've never been, it's a hoot just to go and see the original lighted dancefloor.
I'm usually loathe to go. Being the neighborhood bar, I've gone far too many times. The novelty has worn off. Not to mention, I, being more musically forward than most, the music kills me. The DJ is trapped playing "classics" which amounts to music that's about 2-3 years behind, lots of vocals a la Deborah Cox, Whitney Houston etc. The locals aren't much for the thumping music which makes me move. Plus, the place is in dire need of renovation and upgrades.

It was a rite of passage going to Spectrums, part of my coming out. But it's place is in the past. Guess it doesn't hurt to revisit now and again.

As for Mr. Tyson, No, I didn't talk to him. What would I say? "Yeah, I've seen you naked in porn?" NO, I didn't get star struck. Nonetheless, it was amusing to see him there. Ok, so he didn't outright hit on me... but everyone knows when someone is "feeling" them. I chose to ignore it. Perhaps, he caught me looking. Or was it my drunken delusional state?

It was nice to blow off some steam.

boozin' and bloggin'

Yes... I'm drunk.. but I gotta say that it's an ego boost when Tiger Tyson is checking you out. ouch. ¡aye papi! It's so hard to be good... it's fucking tough to type drunk.

Fun night.. although nothing like the city in Brooklyn at Spectrum's. Oy.
Time for bed. sayonara.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Recollecting My Fraternal Past




"I was in a fraternity."
"GASP!! You!?! Why?"

More times than not, this is the reaction I got from people. The louder the "Gasp", the gayer the person I was telling. What was profoundly upsetting was that this reaction is purely based on what they believed to be, what fraternities were about. Like this. That's only part of the truth about fraternities and not necessarily the truth in my story.

The question of "Why?", it was because of a dream. Believe me, I'm not a nutcase where upon I act on the voices in my head when I'm sleeping. I've only had maybe three or four dreams which I have acted upon... none of them have included a living sacrifice.

Early on, my subconscious had the ability to tell me what I needed. I'd been a loner since HS, gay angst or something of the like, etc. I'd been in college for almost a year, going to class, then home and off to work. Pretty routine, pretty dull. I had some neighborhood friends with which I hung around with. We idled away the time walking about, catching movies and playing sports. *Yawn* I was not outgoing or eager to join any organization on campus. The thought never occured to me. So... my dream, I never did recall the details... but the feeling, when I awoke, was of intense sadness and the thought that "I have no real friends." I was shaken and vowed to fix it.
As fate would have it, Albert, a classmate had been pledging during that semester. He'd gotten in and asked me, "Why don't you pledge next semester?" I said "Sure."

My pledge name was Confucius, a fact with which I'm proud of. A suitable name, they would eventually learn. But I swear, I would have dropped on the spot if they called me "Eggroll."

I won't deny that I was "hazed", if you could really call it that. Thankfully, I didn't suffer at the end of a paddle. But I did wear a fair amount of food stuff, more than I would ever intend on my own. There were acts of humiliation, like belting out a pledge greeting for a Brother in a public place. I always did it nice and loud, since I was attracting attention to myself, sure as hell I was going to attract attention to the Brother too.

Any naughty sex acts during pledging? Alas, No. (Rats!) After I got in, well, I'll get back to that later.

My pledge class was made up of eight guys, including me. We were a motley crew. We could not have been any more different. Different in style, different in thinking, we were just completely mismatched. Somehow, after 8 weeks of pledging, we were in. Ideally, I should have been inseparable from my pledge brothers. It really didn't work. Being in a commuter school, pledging didn't foster the friendships, bound in misery like that of pledging at an away school. Regardless, I'd been accepted by group of men, from which I could build friendships from. This was when the rewards would be reaped and the hard work began.

Next: Unbroken Bonds, Reconnecting Today.

"He's the cool exec, With a heart of steel."

Swag alert:



Arriving yesterday, and as a result of an elevator snafu and misplacement to an upper floor, didn't get into my hands till today.

Say hello, to Iron Man. No. 2 in a series called Marvel Saga Collection, a line of polyresin figures exclusively for the Hong Kong market from Hong Kong-based design studio HyperChild.

Looking forward to Wolverine and Venom.

Here's a little diddy for you.
Tony Stark, makes you feel
He's the cool exec
With a heart of steel
As Iron Man all jets a-blaze
He's fighting and smiting with repulsor rays
Amazing armor, it's Iron Man
A blaze of power, It's Iron Man!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Emergency Protocol 90206, Calling Sky Captain.

Part of new release Tuesday, "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"


Good, old fashioned, serialized fun.
Super-Stylized, Overacted (Thank You, Angelina!!) and oh so good.
Especially when Sky Captain, Jude Law says, "Good boy." to Dex, yummy Giovanni Ribisi, mmmm.... one can only imagine.

Other Acquisitions:

Aliens vs. Predator
Ghost in the Shell:Standalone Complex V4

Monday, January 24, 2005

Be afraid...

Being cooped up all weekend, I've managed to geek out some on video games, finally delving into Resident Evil 4.



All I can say is WOW. The AI in the game is so annoyingly real. It's astounding. They barge through doors and jump over obstacles to follow you. And when Mr. Chainsaw catches you... be prepared to see your headless torso hit the floor. Ouch.
True to Resident Evil style... the atmosphere is creepy and spine-tingling. Scary country-sides. As for RE:4, I highly recommend it for anyone with a GameCube.

I've caught up on watching Mobile Suit Gundam Seed. I'd assumed it would be more of formulaic... big robot fights with screaming kids, no substance. True, it's still got those elements but I'm thoroughly impressed with the character development.

I've got to wait for the next and last 2 DVDs to be released. Curses.

Hopefully, by next weekend the snow will have melted and my social calendar fills up before I start writing about how I've scratched myself the entire time.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Grrrrr

Being my first real outing into the blog-o-sphere... I thought Blogger would be the best way to do it. It's easy and it's free. But as I'm delving further into this... I find that it's not nearly as easy or as extensible as I'd like. Not too mention, I've discovered that they nearly force you to register just so you could comment on a blog. Not that I've advertised my blog to the whole world... but I'd like for anyone who comes across it to have a pleasant experience with it. Very tricky and sneaky. I don't much care for it. This, on top of me trying to find my "voice", is fast becoming daunting. I will persevere.

Vulcans can learn to cry.

I've thought over this situation... with my mother. And the fact that my subconscious is crying out for some resolution, it's apparent that talking about it, explaining its origins is pointless and I've grown bored of it.

Simply put, being a first generation Chinese-American, I'm caught between two cultures. Add to the pot, I'm gay... so I'm really spicing things up. Yeesh.

I've made headway with my Grandmother... so rather than cry about what I have going on with my Mother. I'll go and fix it. I'll keep you posted.

That is when this snowstorm lets up.

So in the meanwhile, I blog and read blogs.



Watching lots of DVDs, catching up on my anime, Mobile Suit Gundam Seed.



Oh... did anyone "get" Napolean Dynamite?
It's funny in the "I'm not trying to be funny" kind of way.. isn't it?
Sigh... and no gym today but I can look forward to shoveling out the 40 ft. driveway for my landlord.

Welcome to my Emotionally Crippled Family

The following email is my brother's girlfriend's analysis of my dream. It has been edited for clarity and grammar.

Day,

Wow, that’s weird. Thank God, it was only a dream. You know what was funny, that your mom was yelling at you to take her somewhere. LOL.

Dreaming about paint balls and running around a familiar place, seems like you want to hurt someone but not hurt them bad. I’m sure you got hit with a paint ball before, like hurting someone with words. You have to say something to someone that’s been on your mind for a while, maybe your Mom. I’m interested to know what color you saw while playing paint ball.

The other woman in the dream whom you thought was your mom, but a friend. That’s easy. We all want that relationship with our Moms, that bond of friendship where we are adults and an equal to them. It took a long time for me to achieve that with my mom. So, the woman in your dream represented the Mom you want. The reason she was sad, as were you, is in your heart that’s what you want. Your mom has a very strong will. I see that in her.

What is weird is her Mom (your grandmother) is not that way. I noticed that when my kids first started to come over. Granny was running to hug and kiss them and still does. So does your dad, but your Mom seems to struggle. When they hug her or kiss her goodbye, its almost like she doesn't know how. It’s sad. Did you guys hug and kiss her when you were young? It’s funny because Moms are always closer to her boys. I feel that way. I always kiss and hug them even if they don’t want me to. Your Mom had 3 (boys). I would be in heaven with 3 very handsome men, all grown up, catering to my every whim. :) I guess people are different but I do know one thing it takes a lot to break your Mom down. She needs you guys hugging and kissing her, no matter what happen before. I’ve never see u guys come in and kiss your Mom. You know you’re all grown up now and you make your life what it is. You, Steve and Al are very smart men and I’m sure you have had to rely on each other before. You guys shouldn’t wait till it’s too late. I’ve said this once to your brother before about affection. It's up to you guys.

Okay, love ya Day. Muahhhhhzzzzzzz :)

Later: I expound on the topic, but just once. I promise to write about stuff, not so heavy. This was on my mind the past few days. I swear.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Dreams and Mom

Tuesday. My sleep had been deep and black the night before, from too much partying and quite simply, too much. As my brain refracts, the subconscious returns with a vengeance. In the form of all too real and message laden dreams that crush me with questions when I awaken.

I’d gone to sleep fairly early since throughout the day I was very tired and listless. The result of going out to Crobar Monday morning for Alegria ( It was ok, I’ve heard Abel do better). Exhausted, I’m in bed by 8.

The dream starts in a familiar setting, Brooklyn College campus. It feels like a stairwell connecting to the steam tunnels. I’m being pursued and I’m not alone. I'm with Karen, a woman who’d seduced me (I let her) and whom I later, blew off (for which I’m fairly certain, I’m going to hell for.). We’re being chased while playing paintball, a sufficiently non-lethal reason to be chased but harrowing nonetheless. Up black painted corridors, down dark shadowy stairwells, many flights at a time, we’re running and dodging. We explode above ground by the Quad. There’s a marching band walking by and a graduating class is following them. Don’t trust them, somebody in there is looking for us. Oh, and watch out for the pile of chairs in the bush.

Relieved and happy, we turn on to a side street, it morphs into West 8th Street off 6th Avenue. The woman I’m running with is now my mother. I’m flabbergasted and stunned, but elated in my heart. We stop for her to fix something in her pack, as she bends to one knee to my left. At that moment, a window opens across the street. Another version of my mother is screaming at me to drive her somewhere, selfish and inconsiderate. It is then, I realize that that woman is my mother, not the one with whom I’ve been running. I call, “Mother” to the woman before me and the woman at the window berates me for calling the other woman “Mother” and wonders aloud what the hell is wrong with me. I look back to the woman on her knee and as she sheds a tear, I awaken heavy-hearted.

Next: My Brother's Girlfriend's Dream Analysis

Inspiration

This is my second blog. My first, I let die a slow death. I'd started it... and left it to rot. I was uncertain about why I was even doing it. I had misgivings about putting my life's story into words and on to the internet for all to see. Kind of made me wiggy since my first few postings, I'd laid a lot of myself out here. So naturally, I tucked my tail between my legs... said "what the hell am I doing?' and hightailed it.

I'm beleaguering the point, aren't I?

Here I am again, to give it another go, thanks to some inspiration. I've been continually entertained and touched by the few blogs that I have read. They don't know I've been reading, but in the next few weeks, I promise to make contact with them, to make them awares. I'll invite them to read my blog and hopefully they can draw as much enjoyment and inspiration from mine, as I do theirs.

Cheers,
Davis