Consumed.

I've been seething in an emotional cesspool of my own making. Swirling about in the negative eddy, I didn't feel like doing anything today. Coupled with a complete lack of sleep, I couldn't muster any motivation and I was completely "out of it."* I'm uncertain what was borne from what though. In my sleeplessness, was my mind wandering, stopping on something and wouldn't get off of it, or was it my thoughts that kept me up? I can't say.

By 5AM, I was exhausted and slept.

I woke late. Called in to work to say, "I'm late." and "I'm on my way."

But still my thoughts nagged me. It had been a long time since this happened, but the stress was putting a vice grip on my heart. It felt like it was being torn in two. Groan. All this angst had me crawling out of my skin. Was I having a meltdown?
I would have loved to hit the gym and work out my frustration, but I've learned I can't feed off negative energy. It poisons me.

Spoke with Erik (Robocub) online and he eased my mind some, as well as whoever's ear I could bend. I don't want to get into. In many ways I feel petty about it and it's probably the onset of OCD.

Regardless, wheels are in motion to deal with this. I'm trying to be as evenhanded as possible without neglecting myself.**

My heart feels at ease but I'm not done. Hopefully, a full nights rest will put me back on track and bring about happier things to blog about.

**Note: Took the Personality Test at Spark Notes, and it says I'm a Helper, Type 2 personality. I don't agree with it. Maybe I should invest less time in internet personality tests and some in a therapist. On second thought, after reading some more, there is plenty of evidence to classify me as a Type 2. I don't like it.

* You'd be amused to hear how out of it, I was. I'd ripped a new CD to my iPod during my insomnia. Listening to it today, it was jamming nicely (proggy-trance, not usually my thing, but I was giving Markus Schulz a whirl.) Anyway, I thought the track blends were a little too hard and weren't seamless. I realized something was really wrong when the last track ended abruptly. Turns out, I listened to the whole CD in reverse order. I'm a dork.